Sunday, July 7, 2013

Sunday Night Musings

I was laying in bed the other night, trying to sleep, and something occurred to me that has me kind of anxious. As stressful as life can be, I really am SO blessed. I am surrounded in blessings. My home, my friends, but most importantly a happy, healthy, and safe family who I love. I pray every night and thank my Heavenly Father for this. I never take it for granted because I know how blessed I am for everything in my life. But the thought that I can't seem to kick is that if things are this good, if all of my loved ones are safe and healthy, how long can that last? Is this the calm before the storm? I don't think I could handle it if something happened to one of my loved ones.

I know this is VERY pessimistic and I shouldn't think like that but I can't help it. I think it all started when a friend of mine lost her baby. She was due this month but went into labor and when she got to the hospital the baby didn't have a heartbeat. I mean, how heartbreaking! How awful to lose a baby like that! There are no words to describe the pain that that would bring and I don't even know what to say to her to comfort her right now. It makes me terrified to get pregnant again. There are no guarantees that I will have a healthy baby. There are no guarantees that Emily, or Michael, or my brothers or sister, or in laws, or parents, or even my dog is safe forever.

I know this is such a dark post. It's just what's on my mind and I feel like I've written so much "fluff" on my blog lately that I needed to just type this out and put my real thoughts on here. This is what I've been worried about. How can I be so blessed and NOT worry that something is going to come tumbling down and ruin it all? Does anyone else worry like this? I know that God has a plan for us. And our lives are in His hands. That does give me some peace of mind and comfort. I'm just a worrier, I guess!


Anonymous said...

I've actually written a post about what you're describing... I call it being so happy you're terrified. You're waiting for something bad to happen even though that's a horrible way to live. Thanks for opening up! You are not alone.

girl C said...

I totally get what you're saying here. I get like that sometimes too, where I become terrified that something awful is going to happen, just because things have been going well for me. What has helped me deal with the struggle is to just consciously tell myself that there's nothing I can do to control what is going to happen, and that no matter what happens, that I'm stronger than I think, and I will be okay. My motto is, "Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end." Chin're not alone! :)

Amber said...

I worry about the exact same things. I try not to, because like you said it seems very pessimistic and depressing, but it's defintiely something to think about!

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