Precious Moments In My Dreams

Before I forget it, I wanted to write down something I dreamed about last night. Some of you may know that my dreams really effect me. They are always very realistic and detailed. I also remember them for a while if they really had an impact on me. Most of the dreams I remember from my childhood even are nightmares. But I won't go there today. Today I wanted to write about a good dream!

I have had dreams before of babies. In all my baby dreams, I have a baby boy. I am convinced I will have a baby boy as my first born. I remember one dream in particular that I had about a year ago or so where I had this baby boy. I was visiting my parents house and I went into my old room to change the baby on the bed. I was leaning over him, cooing and such. Just LOVING this baby. I remember how much LOVE I felt for him. It made me totally baby crazy for a long time. I WANTED that baby.

Last night...I had another one. Except this one was a little different. I had never had a dream before that I was NURSING. I have fears of nursing. It's so foreign to me. I don't understand how it works. I have heard horror stories of it hurting like HECK and I won't go into detail of things I know but lemme tell ya I aam TERRIFIED of it. Some women love it and it doesn't hurt them. I have heard it all. Anyway, so in my dream I was nursing and I LOVED it!! I remember I was ecstatic that it wasn't hurting and I was surprised by how close it made me feel to the baby (boy, of course). I just wanted to write that down because it felt so special to me.

Lately I have SOOO not been in the baby crazy place. I like where we are at. We are so close to getting a house. I don't deal well with pain. You remember how this was for me, right? I want a puppy. I want to go on trips. I want to decorate our house. I want to be more financially stable. I want to work for a little longer before I have to decide if I want to be a working mom or not. I want, I want, I want. It feels so selfish. But after dreams like that, it all goes out the window. It feels so real. Sometimes I wake up, missing that baby.

And in those precious moments, I want to be a mommy.