Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sometimes Life Is Hard

I don't usually blog about things that are downers. When I am having a bad day I tend to stay off of my blog, twitter, and facebook. There are many reasons for this. To list a few:


  1. People don't usually like to read the depressing blogs. Most of us usually like the ones who entertain us in a positive way.
  2. Putting personal stuff on the blog is risky. Who knows who will read it and what they will think?
  3. It's not really anyone's business...
  4. If I'm really in a funk, it's probably a better idea to get off of the computer and go talk to somebody in real life. (Family and friends)
  5. I try to focus on my many blessings and choose to be happy because I have a good life.

Sometimes talking about it has a snowball effect. I start saying things I don't mean to talk about and then end up regretting it later. Or I end up feeling even more sorry for myself. Like when I get hurt and someone hugs me or pities me, I cry even harder, lol. I'm better left alone so I can just get over it and move on. If I give it some time or space, I can just let it go and be back to normal.

But sometimes...sometimes it's therapeutic to type it out and let it go out into the world wide web and see what people say. 

It's nothing huge. Just a bunch of little things that tend to pile up, up, and up. Maybe I'm just PMS'ing. Maybe I just miss my husband. He's been working SO much and when he isn't working he is sleeping or getting ready to go back to work. Or we're running errands. Or sitting around and doing nothing. Or yes, arguing, because we are both stressed out and take it out on each other.

I planned to go the the pumpkin patch yesterday (his one day off) with him and Emily for a fun family activity. I was looking forward to it. I put on the calendar because if I don't do that, it doesn't happen. But Michael had work the night before, slept until 4:30pm, and then didn't feel up to it because his neck was sore and he wanted to relax before he had to go back to work again. I understand how hard it must be to pretty much live and breathe work and need to relax. I just...it's so hard for me to sit at home and wait for him to go out and do things with Emily as a family and then have it not happen- again. I don't blame him at all. It's just one of my biggest pet peeves to have something I am looking forward to not end up happening. I picked out outfits, did my makeup and even curled my hair. Nobody likes being dressed up with nowhere to go.

With Michaels line of work, he works many holidays, weekends, overtime shifts, 12 hour shifts plus commuting. He works so hard and I am so grateful for that. But it's hard on us. We were talking to a church leader a couple years ago and he said that marriage is hard but then tack onto that the crazy hours Michael works and it's twice as hard. 

I'm not saying we are struggling to be together or anything. We are still very much in love and happy. We LIKE being around each other. We miss each others company. We miss going on dates (it's near impossible to do that these days).

I guess that's really what all of this comes down to. Life's been hard. The little things add up because in the background, there is this underlying stress of hardly having my best friend and teammate to talk to and be around, let alone help me with Emily and the household chores that I can never seem to keep up with.

I've had a hard time being motivated to do any cooking, cleaning, or even going out to see people because I'm burying myself in self pity. I hate feeling like this and I'm trying to have a better outlook on life because that really does make a huge difference. I know you can choose to be positive and happy. I know I have so much to be grateful for- and I am. I love my family and friends. I am grateful Michael even has a job in this economy. I'm grateful for our home and that we always have food on the table. I am grateful for my beautiful daughter and loving husband. I love my life. But sometimes- life is hard.


14 comments :

Charlie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary @ A Happy Wife In NOLA said...

There is nothing wrong with "venting" once in awhile like this girl. Life IS hard. But it's through hard things that make us stronger. You are a wonderful person and I know you are a great mom and wife. Don't feel bad about getting upset about these things. It's normal. Stay strong and remember to take care of yourself too. Do what makes you happy. And if talking about it on your blog helps sometimes, then do it!! I will be keeping you in my prayers :) Sending love and hugs your way! xoxo

Breana and Jordan Holmes said...

I think we all get in this kind of funk at some point. I know for me, I forget Jordan needs time at home to rest but I want to get out of the house and do something fun as a family. We usually can get out and do things since his work isn't that demanding but sometimes we need to find a good balance for everything. I think having kids makes it a lot harder to get out on dates, but remember there are always people who will watch Emily for you-including me. I hope you are feeling better soon!

Kathryn said...

I know exactly how you feel. I feel like I've been in a rut for weeks now and don't know how to get out of it. We just have to keep plugging along. You're awesome!

Nessa said...

In my opinion, I like it when people talk about the unhappy things sometimes, because it's nice to know we're not alone. Me and boyfriend just went through a spurt like this as well, since we have two girls and both work full-time. I don't have any advice, but I've been there and know how bad it can feel.

Kristin said...

Agreed! I am like you and have so much to be thankful for, but my hubby works a ton as well. It's easy to get down about it, but I try to just soak up the family time we do get together and know that it's more than some people get. Hope your day gets better!! :)

Neely said...

I totally know what you are talking about. I think we all try to keep our blogs upbeat but then life kicks in and you want to be authentic. Im always here for you!

Danielle Covington said...

Nothing wrong with venting girl! It helps to talk/write it out! I've been in a slump lately too and my husbands with me...I can't imagine what it would be like to have him working all the time. I'll be lifting you up in prayer!

Meagan said...

I'm glad you wrote this post. How would any of us know that this was going on if you didn't? What you are feeling is so so so normal! I'm sure I've written a post like this or wanted to. Next time Michael is available and in a good mood you should get 2 things on the calendar. 1. pumpkin patch 2. date night. I would also suggest inviting a friend over. That way it motivates you to clean, maybe invite them over for dinner so you cook and then you get a friendly visit!

Jessica Marie said...

Life is hard sometimes, and I know what you are going through! I know how you feel about staying away from your blog on a bad day! Yesterday I was up until 2:00 AM writing a post, that once finished, I deleted. It wasn't something I wanted anyone to read, but writing it out made me feel better. I may re-write and post it we shall see, but for now I am not. The point is I know how it makes you feel better just to write it out! I am sorry haven't been able to spend time with the hubs lately! If you ever just wanna chat, shoot me an email. :) *HUGS*

Sheri Money said...

Yup. You basically just detailed exactly how I've been feeling lately. You'll also, probably, see a post to this effect soon. Out first 2 years of marriage, Tom and I were ALWAYS around each other. But, now he's gone from 6:45 - 6:15 pm, on average - but sometimes longer. It has been a HUGE adjustment and very hard. And like you said about Michael, when he's not at work he's so tired he just wants to lay around at home. I, on the other hand, am just DYING to get out! Oh, and I FEEL ya on not being motivated to cook, clean, etc. SO HARD. Probably the one thing that has kept me sane is that Alyse happens to work right by my house, so hang out during her lunch break EVERY day. It is my salvation. GOOD LUCK!

Meg O. said...

I'm so sorry, friend. Things get really tough when things are busy. I am in a similar position, but I am the one who is working way too much and I feel so guilty for not being able to spend time with my family. Luckily the show will be over soon. Feel free to text me any time you need to talk and we can have a pity party together :)

Janna Renee said...

I understand more than you know! Obviously my hubby has a crazy work schedule, but I tell people that it's worse when the husband has a "normal" job with crazy hours. I resign myself to not seeing Will for nine months, but when he has to work extra stateside? It drives me bonkers! {{Hugs}}

Ocean Dreams said...

Hi lovely, so glad that you're doing better, but I'm sorry you went through a down time! My BK is in school right now and is so so busy. So I'm stuck in UT waiting to see him. It's hard and it sucks and I over eat too much lol. But I know it will all work out and it will for you too! Life is hard sometimes, but you're doing a great job coping. Hugs. xoxo.

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