- People don't usually like to read the depressing blogs. Most of us usually like the ones who entertain us in a positive way.
- Putting personal stuff on the blog is risky. Who knows who will read it and what they will think?
- It's not really anyone's business...
- If I'm really in a funk, it's probably a better idea to get off of the computer and go talk to somebody in real life. (Family and friends)
- I try to focus on my many blessings and choose to be happy because I have a good life.
Sometimes talking about it has a snowball effect. I start saying things I don't mean to talk about and then end up regretting it later. Or I end up feeling even more sorry for myself. Like when I get hurt and someone hugs me or pities me, I cry even harder, lol. I'm better left alone so I can just get over it and move on. If I give it some time or space, I can just let it go and be back to normal.
But sometimes...sometimes it's therapeutic to type it out and let it go out into the world wide web and see what people say.
It's nothing huge. Just a bunch of little things that tend to pile up, up, and up. Maybe I'm just PMS'ing. Maybe I just miss my husband. He's been working SO much and when he isn't working he is sleeping or getting ready to go back to work. Or we're running errands. Or sitting around and doing nothing. Or yes, arguing, because we are both stressed out and take it out on each other.
I planned to go the the pumpkin patch yesterday (his one day off) with him and Emily for a fun family activity. I was looking forward to it. I put on the calendar because if I don't do that, it doesn't happen. But Michael had work the night before, slept until 4:30pm, and then didn't feel up to it because his neck was sore and he wanted to relax before he had to go back to work again. I understand how hard it must be to pretty much live and breathe work and need to relax. I just...it's so hard for me to sit at home and wait for him to go out and do things with Emily as a family and then have it not happen- again. I don't blame him at all. It's just one of my biggest pet peeves to have something I am looking forward to not end up happening. I picked out outfits, did my makeup and even curled my hair. Nobody likes being dressed up with nowhere to go.
With Michaels line of work, he works many holidays, weekends, overtime shifts, 12 hour shifts plus commuting. He works so hard and I am so grateful for that. But it's hard on us. We were talking to a church leader a couple years ago and he said that marriage is hard but then tack onto that the crazy hours Michael works and it's twice as hard.
I'm not saying we are struggling to be together or anything. We are still very much in love and happy. We LIKE being around each other. We miss each others company. We miss going on dates (it's near impossible to do that these days).
I guess that's really what all of this comes down to. Life's been hard. The little things add up because in the background, there is this underlying stress of hardly having my best friend and teammate to talk to and be around, let alone help me with Emily and the household chores that I can never seem to keep up with.
I've had a hard time being motivated to do any cooking, cleaning, or even going out to see people because I'm burying myself in self pity. I hate feeling like this and I'm trying to have a better outlook on life because that really does make a huge difference. I know you can choose to be positive and happy. I know I have so much to be grateful for- and I am. I love my family and friends. I am grateful Michael even has a job in this economy. I'm grateful for our home and that we always have food on the table. I am grateful for my beautiful daughter and loving husband. I love my life. But sometimes- life is hard.